The Year of Jubilee

I don’t typically enjoy looking back at my blog posts after I write them (with the exception of staring at posted Owen pictures as much as possible..), but I can’t help but be reminded to take some time to reflect on The Year of Jubilee. For those of you who may be newer to the blog, I theme our blog each year (well…all 2 of them so far..):

2009: The Year of the Blog

2010: The Year of Jubilee

When I wrote this post back in January, it was just a couple days after John and I had had a miscarriage. God showed me reason to rejoice because he is good at doing that. The start of this year for John and for me was an experience that reminded us of our utter brokenness—our need for help—our longing for a Savior. Going through that brought upon some forced rest, feelings of helplessness, and a unique glimpse of hope and joy in the midst of something unfamiliar and ever-so-painful. I knew I had freedom to be angry, ask questions, and turn to God in my confusion, and I also knew that God was with me. This may seem like a simple thought, but it never ceases to amaze me that how even when I don’t feel like God is with me, it doesn’t mean he is not with me. In fact, I’m pretty sure if God’s presence was indicated based off of my feelings then he would be gone a lot. Thankfully that is not the case.

So, with all of that happening…I declared it the year of jubilee: “A year representing joy, rest, and freedom…the year of jubilee will not shield us from sorrow, sadness, and suffering…it is, instead, a declaration of our desire to rejoice in all circumstances to praise God in our freedom, to see joy in the midst of pain, and experience God at work restoring his people as we rest in Him”.
I would love to think that I was incredibly insightful for writing those words before I knew how this year would unfold…alas, it would be much more accurate to call my writing blindly naive and glaringly unaware of how God would be at work in our lives this year. Regardless, here I am on New Year’s Eve with pile of crumpled tissues by my side and cold that may cause my head to explode at any moment---forced rest? I haven’t been able to go see Owen over the past few days since he got to Texas because of being sick. I want so badly to be there for him yet I can’t be. Feelings of helplessness? And yes, this entire circumstance has been unfamiliar—uncharted territory for John and for me---with plenty of the ever-so-painful moments that have resulted in my fair share of mama meltdowns. But here I am again, unable to ignore the unique glimpse of hope and joy that God has shown me through it all. Hope in what? Joy, why? I was reminded of it this season each time I sang this song...


Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly singing o'er the plains,
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains.

Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!

Shepherds, why this jubilee?
Why your joyous strains prolong?
What the gladsome tidings be
Which inspire your heavenly song?

Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!

Come to Bethlehem and see
Christ Whose birth the angels sing;
Come, adore on bended knee,
Christ the Lord, the newborn King.

Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!

See Him in a manger laid,
Whom the choirs of angels praise;
Mary, Joseph, lend your aid,
While our hearts in love we raise.

Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!

He came as a baby bringing great joy... He remains the king bringing great hope. I don’t have to muster up jubilation on my own and I don’t think I even could. For a girl who hates resting, often has trouble rejoicing, and looks to all sorts of other things besides Jesus to try and find hope, God certainly has broken through all of my lame attempts to ignore, resist, or fight a time of jubilee this year. It is literally impossible now for me to not see joy in the midst of this pain because I see the miraculous work of God's hand each time I look at Owen. AMAZING!

When I said at the end of my January post, “So, blog readers....its the year of jubilee....are you in???”, I hadn’t realized how many of you would be completely in and on board. A huge part of how God has shown me hope is through your prayers, support, and faithful blog reading. Thank you. It has been really sweet to be alongside you in all of this, and my prayer is that you would experience the kind of sweet joy, true rest, and lasting hope that only God can bring. Raise your glasses now as I raise my mug of lactation tea to toast in the New Year:

It is time for 2010 to end, but may the jubilation live on..
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Glory to God in the highest!

Jubilee,
Chrissy

The News We've Been Waiting For

I will spare you of any nonsense and get right to the point: A week ago we were told that Owen has Aquaductal Stenosis causing hydrocephalus in his brain that will require a shunt to be put in. (Hence our prompt return to Houston). We have been anxiously awaiting another opinion on Owen's brain MRI. John just got off the phone with the neurosurgeon from Texas Children's...and we have been told that Owen does NOT have Aquaductal Stenosis and will NOT need surgery now and may not ever. They will continue to monitor him for a while and he may be in the NICU for another month or so...but we are THRILLED to hear this prognosis. It is the perfect news to celebrate Owen's ONE MONTH birthday today! Hallelujah :)

Halfway home...literally

How many Trapps are supposed to be in Texas right now? 3
How many Trapps are currently in Texas? 1
How many Trapps are currently on their way to Texas? 2 (separately)
On a scale from 1 to 10, how annoying has this day been? 10
How long would it take to explain all of the details of Chrissy’s annoying day? Too long
How many hours of sleep did Chrissy get last night? 4
How many weird things has Chrissy done to try and occupy herself today to pass the time waiting for her boys to get to Houston? Too many to count…here is one of them:

(*note…all of the following describe actual events that occurred in my life today..)

You know you’ve been gone from home for too long when…
1) You spent 20 minutes on the plane trying to visualize your security alarm keypad to remember your alarm code.
2) You had to borrow a key to get into your own house.
3) You had to throw away half of your pantry when you got home.
4) You also had to clear out 2 shelves of your freezer to make room for 60 tiny bottles filled with frozen breast milk.
5) Speaking of milk…your refrigerator has none..in fact, your friend had to bring you a bag of apples because you had nothing fresh in the house.
6) You sit down to watch tv and you forget how to turn it on.
7) Once you have it on, you forget that you no longer get cable.
8) You can’t remember how to turn on the hot water in your shower.
9) Your house celebrated Thanksgiving AND Christmas without you.
10) In fact, you still have last year’s Christmas cards on your refrigerator.
11) Your guestroom decided to become a nursery while you were gone.
12) And finally (drumroll…) you left pregnant and in school, and you came back not pregnant (but with a baby, but not really with the baby…) and graduated

On another note, thank you for your prayers, calls, visits, and texts today!!! I posted last night about being halfway home..and we are literally halfway home. So maybe this post is only halfway done for now : )

Headed Halfway Home

Thank you for rejoicing with us over the surprising news that we are going back to Houston tomorrow! It is happy indeed...however a tiny bit mixed because the reason why we are going back so abruptly is mainly because another doctor looked at Owen's brain MRI and thinks that surgery needs to happen sooner rather than later. Thus, it was suggested that if we could get him back to a NICU in Houston, it would be best because whoever does his surgery can also be the doctor for all of his follow-ups. So tomorrow (bearing weather and medical transport ease), Owen will be traveling by way of a medical plane. John and I are not able to ride with him, so I will be headed to Houston before Owen, and John after on commercial flights. John and I can't wait to see Houston friends and just be in our own house. It will be bittersweet without Owen with us each moment, but we are thankful for the opportunity to get him closer to home. It may feel like we are only halfway home until we get Owen to Glourie Drive, but until then, we are anxious to see what the doctors in Houston have to tell us. Hooray for finally, FINALLY going home...

Best Stocking Stuffer Ever!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Love, John, Chrissy, and Owen

Love, John, Chrissy, and Owen

Blog Therapy

Blog Therapy: [blog ther-uh-pee], n.: When you cozy up on the couch sipping a vanilla latte while attempting to type an adequate update to friends and family about the past 24 hours of your life in such a way that is both informative to those who read it, and soothing for those who write it.

This is my blog therapy...read if you would like, and skip down to the bold for the medical update on Owen.

Yesterday.
It is a strange thing laughing and eating baked ziti around an unfamiliar dinner table with your family at Christmas time in Nashville at your sister-in-law's parent's house far away from home...when neither your sister-in-law or her parents are there. It becomes even more twisted and tangled when you are rejoicing together next to a tree that isn't yours, opening gifts and enjoying each other's company, and you, in your best big girl and least-shaky voice, calmly ask for the Christmas cheer to be tempered for just a few moments to pray for your sweet little boy who is getting ready to have his brain MRI. You curl up in your husbands arms as your dear family takes turns praising God for the joy of what is Christmas, and boldly asks him to watch over the blessing of what is Owen. You try to ignore the all-familiar cue...that tingling feeling in your nose..which for 26 years of your life has signalled the welling tears of an impending cry. You remind yourself to breathe, just like you remind your son to do when you are holding him in your arms and giving him his afternoon bottle. You remember The Matrix and feel like for a second you have a choice to swallow the red pill or the blue..only this time you vacillate between that which is hopeful and that which is helpless. You open your eyes with your brother's, "Amen" and remember that you don't have to choose hope because it is already there. You wipe away the tears and then go grab the containers of Christmas cookies that you proudly iced earlier that day, as a desperate attempt to feel as normal as possible. You give yourself grace for feeling so scattered and allow yourself to be present in that very moment while everyone stands around the kitchen island dipping their spoons into their ice cream bowls and marveling at yet another amazing Popawalt Christmas scavenger hunt that was successfully orchestrated for about the 20th year in a row...this time under the most unique of circumstances. You daydream about the cute things you could buy your teensy son with your newly acquired Christmas cash. You try and cheer as your husband wins $20 with his scratch-off lottery ticket. You return a hug from your mom, and catch a smile from John. At this point everything seems like a swirled mixture of the happiest and hardest things in the entire world. Still sort of funny, too...you drink a double dose of lactation tea and click on the pump just one more time before you finally settle in for the night. You ask your husband to hold you again that night, all-the-while knowing its a silly request because he always holds you anyway. You fall asleep. Wake up to pump. Think about your son. Fall back asleep. Wake up to pump...wake up your husband and assess that you have a pair of matching sore throats. Perfect. Off to the hospital.

Today.
It is almost a guilty feeling to eat sweet potato pancakes from Pancake Pantry without a smile, but that's how it went down. It is already 11:30 am and you cannot seem to think of anything but the MRI results that you haven't yet heard about. You pretend that your primary annoyance is your husband, the lengthy line outside of Pancake Pantry, your sore throat, or your cell phone that isn't working--anything to try and channel your anxiety somewhere else. You spend some unnecessary hours sitting in the hospital room with masks on, unable to touch your own baby..just waiting for the doctor's news. You finally hear the neonatologist and her team approaching your door. You don't see a smile, and you have some sinking feelings. You knew it. She pulls up a chair and you wonder if just for one more second you can try and pretend like this isn't really happening. But before you can let your mind drift off, she the day moving by announcing, "We have the results to the MRI..". She continues...
The fluid pockets in the ventricles of Owen's brain cannot drain properly either from being too narrow in places or having some type of blockage. He has mild to moderate hydrocephalus. The word mild sounds good to you. The words blockage and hypocephalus make you cry instantly. You fade in and out of focus as you wait another couple hours to talk to the neurologist. He gives a more accurate report and you are encouraged: Surgery does not need to happen immediately, but perhaps eventually. He may need an operation to place a shunt in his brain to help him drain brain fluid for the rest of his life. Any questions? You fish for the best and biggest questions you can catch, but you are distracted by your baby's brain that displayed on the monitor in front of you, and your mask is suddenly soggy from tears and sniffles. This is not your fault. And actually, it is such good news that this was detected now. It could be worse. You talk for a long time with the doctor asking questions and speculating about your son's brain development. Only time will tell. There are so many unknowns. Helpless. The prognosis seems fairly positive. Hopeful. Humbled. Incredibly blessed. Deeply loved. Broken. Completely covered by his immeasurable grace.

Prayer Request

Owen had a brain ultrasound yesterday that detected some things that have led the doctors to request an MRI for his brain. He will be having the MRI today or tomorrow. They will be looking to see if there is a blockage that is preventing some draining of fluid in his brain. We won't know much more until the results are in, and what they find may just be a normal variance. Please pray for the results of the MRI. Please pray for baby Owen as he goes through that. And please pray for us as we enjoy time with my family who arrived this morning. Pray for us as we continue to wait for more news.

Baby's First Christmas

Big things about today:

• Owen met his great grandmother, and she bought him a Christmas book!
• John and I did some purchasing of our own today! Our mission was not books, but pants...let it be noted that John got TWO pairs of post-partum pants, while I got one. : )
• Aside from easing our troubles with some expanded waistbands, we spent a lot of time with Owen today. And speaking of extra poundage, my baby is an ounce shy of 5 pounds today!
• It's a shame Owen was shown up in the chubby department by his new friends he met this afternoon...Owen Video # 3

All the Good Things

Today I graduated. My graduation ceremony consisted of a post-tooth brushing slow dance in the bathroom with my husband while he hummed me the graduation march song. I have been instructed to swing by school and pick up my diploma when I get home. My life right now is funny.

Today my husband hugged and kissed me for the millionth time to encourage me. My son cuddled with me after his afternoon bottle. My life right now is full of love.

Did I mention that my son finished his whole bottle again today? My life right now is full of victories.

Today I prayed for perseverance. My life right now is in Nashville. My home is in Houston. My family is here, yet I want us all to be there. I've wanted each day to seem better, but instead each day gets a tiny bit harder for me...a couple more tears on my pillow each night, and a deep longing to be home with my happy John and my healthy Owen. I was clinging to the idea of being home for Christmas, and as each day passes, I yield to the reality that that may not happen. I also realized that I have never longed to be home like this before. Perhaps God is giving me a glimpse into what it means to long for our heavenly home. Perhaps I should think a little more about that instead...

Today my son weighs 4 pounds, 12 ounces. He is growing and changing. My life right now won't always be the way it is today. Thinking about that helps me to grasp and appreciate how things are right now, because before I know it, its going to change. It may not be ideal, but my life right now is good. I heard Jill Phillips sing this song at the Ryman the other night (Yes, we did actually get to see the Andrew Peterson concert after all!). Today--and tomorrow-- I will notice all the good things God has done for me...

Every once in a while the world stops spinning enough
That I can take a step back and get the picture
I see the twists and the turns, I see the patterns they form
I see how perfect they are and I remember

All the good things
All the good things
All the good things you’ve done for me

Though the feeling is real I know it’s fleeting to feel
One day I’ll forget you are here and start to wonder
In that season of doubt, You’ll still be showering me
With blessings I can’t see, that can’t be numbered

All the good things
All the good things
All the good things You’ve done for me

Forgive me for my shortsighted look at this world
Where you keep proving that you know what you’re doing

If I could see like you do with your perspective view
The fires I’m walking through would look much different
I’d see those difficult days for who they made me become
And I would count them among

All the good things
All the good things
All the good things You’ve done for me

Owen says, "Hook 'em Horns!"

Owen may have been born in Tennessee, but he already knows all about the real UT. : ) Check out how I caught him sucking his fingers the other night...

Brrrrrrrr!!!!

On November 23rd, I packed 4 days worth of my favorite maternity clothes for a Tuscumbia Thanksgiving visit. Now its Decmeber 13th (20 days later), and I am attempting to enjoy a newly acquired combo of a post-partum body and a Nashville blustery weather. I'm somewhere inbetween maternity and normality; NICU 80 degree heat waves and Nashville -2 degree windchills. Being in this place makes me wonder, what's a girl to do?? Whats a girl to wear?!

Check this out: http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/USTX0617

Now cringe with me: http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/USTN0357


Uggghhhh!!!! If you know me at all, you know I am a complete wimp when it comes to cold weather. Along with being sufficiently unprepared to have a baby in November, I was certainly unprepared to deal with what I consider miserable and dreary December Tennesee weather. Yes I know...I should be overjoyed at the winterwonderland hat I see when I peer out of our hospital room, but just tell me bah humbug and we can call it a day.

Not gonna lie, I am slightly jealous of Owen these days. Why can't I be swaddled??? Why couldn't I sunbathe under a warm light for a week?? How come nobody checks my temperature every 3 hours to make sure I'm nice and toasty? And where the heck is my warmed milk?

Do you feel sorry for me yet?? Well, you shouldn't..because for the past 2 nights, while I have not been able to enjoy any Houston heat like my hubby has, I have been able to cozyup in Owen's brand new NICU private room!! It has been a treat to get to sleep in the same room as my sweet baby.

Things I have learned about my son since getting to be his roommate:

• He is quite a content and quiet baby--especially compared to his colic crazed noisy-nextdoor neighbor...my goodness!
• He is cuddly...like his daddy!
• He is a good, sound sleeper... like his daddy
• And his eyes are turning brown..like his daddy : )
• He is a slow eater... like Grandpawalt?
• He hates being burped..and he prefers to release gas from another certain area instead
• Some of his favorite hobbies are arm flailing, hiccuping, and peeing mid-diaper change
• He seems to be a little heartthrob already and has a growing nurse fanclub
• He is simply irrestistable (but I already knew that..)

Thank you for your prayers for Owen to get chubby..he has gained an oz. a day the past 3 days! He is still climbing his way back up to his birthrate, but looks like he is moving in the right direction. And while Owen is packing on the pounds by drinking milk to stay warm, I am drinking (supposedly 3 to 5 times a day per the box's reccomendtion) some warm Organic Mother's Milk Tea and hoping my pounds start to go in the other direction. The tea helps me stay warm with the added bonuses of "promoting healthy lactation" and the unfortunate taste of stale liquified liqourish taken from your Grandma's pantry!

mmm mmm mmm! Cheers to staying warm today...

Owen's First Video

Owen's First Video! This was a from a few days ago..when Owen was 10 days old : )
http://www.youtube.com/user/catrapp1024#p/a/u/1/kIZXyWtrwVA

Goodnight, Owen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDldEFnTh-g

If you have been reading my blog and feeling as if I have been surprisingly upbeat throughout this whole process, you will probably be relieved to know that I had my first major mama meltdown on Monday at approximately 4:41 pm in the basement level of the Vanderbilt Hospital Parking Garage. I cannot recall how long I was “melting down” but I do know that I declared to John in mid-meltdown that staring at the concrete wall was making me feel claustrophobic and that we had no choice but to leave the parking garage. (It seemed rather reasonable at the time to proclaim that my tears were resulting from being in a confined space). “Worn out”, “discouraged”, and “overwhelmed” is what it came down to. I need not explain why, as you probably understand that giving birth to a baby 2 months early in a completely different state could probably trigger some of those emotions. Alas, I just wanted to make sure I keep it real with you in the blogosphere, and tell you that as much as I am smitten with that son of mine and feel so supported and loved by all of you, it has not been all rainbows and butterflies for the Trapps. I think my husband has literally spent an entire day of his life on the phone dealing with our insurance. I am so amazed at his ability to stay calm and be patient in the midst of a situation that is incredibly frustrating! Why, WHY is it that in the times in your life when you need the most help, insurance is the least helpful?!?! ‘Operation Get Owen to Houston’ is looking a little grim these days thanks to the unfortunate decision that our insurance company made to not pay a penny to help us get Owen transferred to Texas Children’s Hospital. We are trying to stay hopeful and my prayer has been that God would provide us with the best way to get our sweet baby home, and I know that he will. (Note: If you consider talking about breast milk an over-share, please skip over the next paragraph)

Another tricky thing for me has been this whole pumping milk thing. I have had to get over the idea that it is the ONLY thing that I can do for my baby right now (although it seems that way). Here is how it goes:

Its one of those tricky things: When you are stressed out your milk supply can be limited, but it stresses you out having a limited supply…so it just goes round & round (every two hours to be exact). I also am aware that it may not really be stress that is causing the shortage. This seems like an odd prayer request, but if you could pray for this process for me I would greatly appreciate it! In the meantime, I am extremely thankful that my baby is getting mainly my milk and know that it is gonna be A ok if he has to get some formula, too. We are working on getting Owen to feed through a bottle and also starting some actual breast feeding.

If you have happened to survive my talk of tears and breast milk, I commend you. You have probably been skimming through this nonsense despararetly searching for an updated Owen picture or a new fun fact about my son. Welllll, I don’t have too much news to report other than I am already seeing how Owen likes to call the shots!

Tired of the womb little boy? Just come on out!

Don’t want the IV anymore? Sure, why not rip it out?!

Ready to breath normally? Just pull away the tube!

Sick and tired of being swaddled? Wiggle your way out, buddy!

Wanna tell us how you really feel, Owen?? Projectile poop some more!

Those are some of his latest activities, and It appears as is I have one strong-willed little boy who is telling his dad, mama, and nurses who is boss! I can’t argue with that as long as his determination gets him out of that silly little incubator asap.

Perhaps he gets some of his determination from his mama…as I just returned from an 18 hour trip to Houston to take 3 exam—lets just say that someone was a little determined to finish up her masters degree. Mom picked me up from the airport after having transformed my dirty house and fixed my broken car that had a dead battery in the driveway up until yesterday…for some reason, my dad just decided to try and start my car last week when they passed through Houston. When he told me that my battery was dead I just thought, “why would my car be working right now!?!?”. Anyway, mom picked me up from the airport, and as she fought her way through Houston traffic to get me to school, I had my computer on my lap to do some cramming, and the pump to my chest doing some pumping. It was rather comical and slightly chaotic, but I am glad I made the trip. It definitely hasn’t sunk in yet that the school chapter of my life is finished. I, however, certainly sunk right into my cozy Houston bed for a quick 5 hours of sleep last night. It felt so good to be home, even if for a brief moment. The house had been straightened up by some of my favorite cleaning angels, and there were sweet gifts and Christmas decorations welcoming me home. I tried not to think about not having my boys there with me, and I am glad to be back in Nashville today with them. Stay tuned, I intend to keep working on my latest to-do list…

Operation: Get Owen to Houston!

Today Owen is 6 days old!



We may or may not have just gotten a call from some over-eager grandparents singing happy birthday to him a day shy of his one week marker. These 2 pictures below are evidence of some proud parents, but I probably cannot accurately document uncontainable enthusiasm of Gigi, Boompa, Grammy, and Grampawalt. I can actually hear echos of the celebrating Owen parties coming all the way from Austin right now : ). I wouldn't be surprised if they are planning a NICU themed birthday party for him...Owen has lots of itty bitty friends to invite already.

So what's new with Owen?


• Friday I had the privilege of changing Owen's diaper for the first time (not sure I will always think of that as such a privilege...)


• Saturday Owen peed all over me when I was changing his diaper.


• Sunday I got peed on again (should have learned my lesson the first time) in addition, the Doctor informed me that Owen shot poop all the way across his bed.

How could this sweet little innocent child be capable of such diaper destruction?!?!

I know, I know...this is only the beginning and we have loads (literally, loads..) to look forward to.

Aside from updating you on baby bowel movements, I will tell you that Owen is doing wonderfully well! He had a teensy bit of trouble with some breathing and feeding on Saturday, but the big picture report has been great and we are extremely encouraged. The big update is that we are trying to get Owen home to Texas!!! We plan to have him transported to Texas Children's Hospital (hopefully very soon!!), and are just waiting for a couple details to work out to make that happen. There is also a chance that he could be home from the hospital before Christmas! He is already starting to celebrate, thanks to the nurse who decked him out in a Christmas hat & blanket:


In the meantime, John and I have been trying to enjoy Nashville as much as possible. It is rather odd being "out and about" so soon after delivering a baby..particularly being out & about without my baby! I think in order to try and make sense of it all, I often feel a strange desire to want to uncontrollably yell, in a Tourette's like fashion, that I just had a baby to surrounding strangers whenever I'm in a public place. So far I have restrained, but I reserve the right to blame all unnecessary blurt outs on post-partum hormones. At least I know I'm not the creeper in this picture... apparently we had some background company at our latest outing to the Pancake Pantry:

Ok its time to go back to the hospital...

Operation: Get Owen to Houston needs some prayer....lets get this baby home to Texas!!!

All About Baby

A while back after we found out we were pregnant, I had promised to not turn my blog into an "all about baby" blog. And then I got way too busy and stopped blogging. And now, I wake up in the middle of the night and tip toe into the NICU so that I can stare at our beautiful son and watch him sleep. I realized this morning that its not simply the blog that will become "all about baby", but its me!! I am just completely enthralled by Owen to the point where it is hard to put to words the way that I feel when I hold him and watch him.


Today I will be discharged from the hospital. The middle of the night hallway strolls to the NICU will be a little harder, and my "all about baby" mama instincts feel as if they will have to be somewhat tempered. I am thrilled to be doing great, yet I never imagined leaving the hospital without my baby boy (among the countless other things I never imagined about how Owen would come into the world!!). There are ways that I need God to give me patience, and I just know that he will. I know this because one of those things that I "never imagined" about having Owen was how vividly I would see God sustaining and providing for our family. It makes me want to react by saying how unreal it feels, but its the oppositite: it is the most real thing I have ever experienced. The moment we were in the emergency room in Tuscumbia that they told me my water had ruptured and that I was dilated, I just gripped John's hand and said in my utter frailty, "I cannot have this baby right now!". I think in some ways my expression of fear in that moment is what helped me nestle into my role as a weak child and begin to more accurately see God's role as my strong father. The irony of it was that I was supposed to be seeing myself as a "strong mama", and God was just exposing to me how I am truly a needy child. Which brings me to my "right of passage" story into motherhood. This is slightly embarassing for me, and maybe for John..but I just can't resist telling it...

Fun fact about Chrissy: I have slept with my baby blanket for 26 years.
Well, since my blanket knew me well enough to hop into the car with us for our last week's trek to Tuscumbia, the blanket naturally ended up in our first hospital room at Vanderbilt. And then in the next room. And in the next room. And then the next...(did I mention we had to move rooms 5 times because Owen couldn't decide if he was ready to show up yet?). Anyway, John was a trooper packing up our things each time we had to move from labor and delivery to ante-partum, to the maternal care unit and back again. Each time, blanky faithfully arrived to the room accompanied by my ever-so-high-maintenance pile of silky pillows...each time, that is, until the day Owen was born.
My last words to John inbetween contractions as they wheeled me into labor and delivery was "Get my blanket--its on your bed". And then I went to birth a baby...I think you probably can see where this is going...

Thats right... on the day I became a mom, my tattered and faded baby blanket was swallowed up by the sea of dirty linens and sucked into the bowels of what I can only imagine to be as one of the largest laundry shoots in the state of Tennessee! Vanderbilt Hospital linens? White. Chrissy's baby blanket? Also white. Needle in a haystack? ummm...yes.

Aside from being profusely apologetic, I am assuming John may be somewhat secretly relieved. I'm sure its tough work having to battle a shredded rag for your wife's affection night after night. He did indeed remind me that when we got married, he lost his favorite hat. Apparently major life transitions come some significant sacrifices...who knew?? ; )

You may be thinking, "Gosh, it was about time she got rid of that ratty old thing!!". And yes, I do agree...and I honestly think that while it may appear unnecessary to part with a security blanket in such dramatic fashion, that it was absolutely what was necessary because I don't think I would have ever willingly chosen to part with the thing. (Especially after the pink bunny incident of 1993...another story for another day, perhaps). So in the spirit of being "all about baby", I hold no bitterness toward my husband, and I think we all agree that trading a blanky to get a baby is one sweet deal!

More pictures!

Gramawalt & Grampawalt with their first grandbaby!




Proud new parents with a precious baby boy.






My mom is a Grandma and her baby is a mom...ahhh!!!




Male bonding



Owen Andrew!!!

Our tiny little boy...

One happy family : )